have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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