you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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