1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
