the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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