why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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