I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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