who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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