Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
