Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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