It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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