winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
