he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
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There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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