if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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