I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
