i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
handjob tips. give me some.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
