The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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