Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
