What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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