how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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