Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
