Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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