i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dual....:-)
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
