we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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