well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize