i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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