he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
