im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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