yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
