He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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