So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
