could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
