Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
