So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize