so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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