it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize