so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
