Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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