im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
