you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
