yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
