i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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