before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
