I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
