I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
