put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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