Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
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It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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