We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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