I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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