What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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