I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
