You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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