i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
