drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
