so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize