i don't like sucking hair
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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