The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
