We won't sleep together?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
