what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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