Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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